When someone you love struggles with anxiety or depression, it can be very difficult to know what to say or do — especially when you haven’t experienced it personally. Below are some ways to support your loved one through both prayer and concrete action.
Support through Prayer
Pray for your loved one through your own silent prayers. Here is a prayer for those with loved ones who have anxiety or depression.
Ask others to pray for them as well, but refrain from giving their name unless your loved one is okay with it.
Ask Jesus to show you how you can support them — the Holy Spirit knows their heart best, and He will enlighten your heart about how to support them in the ways they need it most.
Ask your loved one if you could be a prayer warrior for them specifically for this purpose — not just through prayers prayed silently on their behalf, but in other concrete ways as well.
Support through Actions
It’s human nature to want “to do” something to help others. While the one thing we can always do — and the best thing we can do — is pray, below are some ways to provide support in more concrete ways.
First, it may be helpful to find out what helps your loved ones most when they’re struggling. No matter how much we desire to support others, unless we know differently, we’re likely to do this in ways we would like to be supported.
Perhaps you already know the answers to the questions below about your loved one. But if you don’t, here’s some information to find out regarding how they try to incorporate self-care when they are struggling:
- Physical activity. What kinds of exercise do they like to do? Do they like to walk or run? Do they prefer to go to the gym or exercise in the open air? Do they enjoy outdoor exercise, such as hiking or walking in their local park?
- Diet. What kinds of foods do they like? Do they struggle with a high-carb diet that creates sluggishness and a downturn in their moods? Do they like wine or beer, but it reeks havoc on their mental clarity and moods?
- Favorites, Motivation, and Inspiration. Are there Bible verses or passages they find comforting? Do they have a favorite saint, song, or writer that inspires them? What’s their favorite color, flower, or scent? Do they enjoy sipping on coffee or hot tea?
Now that you’re equipped with information about what brings them joy and comfort and what they struggle with, there are concrete things you can do to support them, especially when they’re struggling (along with offering up your prayers for them, of course!).
- “Just because love.” There’s nothing better than getting “just because love” from a friend or family member. You can send a card to let them know you love them, you’re thinking of them, and they bring joy to your life. Be specific in your message to them. Include something unique about them, such as a fond memory between the two of you, how they bring joy to you, or how they impact the lives of others. You can also send flowers with a short a message that simply says, “You are loved.” If you want to send a care package, incorporate their favorite colors and scents.
- Motivational love. When you know they’re having a difficult day, send them a text or email with one of their favorite Bible verses or quotes they find comfort in or that gives them motivation. You can also send a link to one of their favorite songs on YouTube.
- Energy comes from activity. It’s easy for your loved ones to stay in bed when they’re depressed. They already have no energy, and getting up can seem like torture. When your loved one is struggling, remind them how they feel after they do their favorite type of exercise.
If a full workout seems too much for them, suggest they try doing it for five minutes. Then they can reassess how they feel and if they want to continue. A fire only needs a spark, and sometimes the body only needs a few endorphins to kick in before we have the motivation to finish a good workout.
- Diet support. If they’ve got a sweet tooth, perhaps there’s a slightly less sweet (but still quite delicious) alternative available that can allow them to enjoy a sweet treat without the accompanying inflammatory effect in the body that affects their mind and their moods.
When you are with them, you can support them by refraining from eating or bringing foods or drinks to a gathering you know would be a temptation for them.
Find a time to go to coffee or have tea with them, if this is something they like to do. You can also send them a gift card to their favorite place if you can’t be there with them in person.
- The positive side. When your loved one is struggling with depression, it can be really hard for them to see the positive side of things. This is where they need a compassionate friend to listen to them, support them, and acknowledge their feelings.
When and as the Holy Spirit guides you to, you can also point out silver linings, where things are going right and where the blessings lie, because the blessings can sometimes be hard to see when your loved one is in the thickness of depression.
Don’t get too discouraged if your words of comfort aren’t received well. Go back to listening and validating their feelings, reminding them they are loved by a God who knows their pain and they were created for a heavenly purpose. It’s okay if they don’t feel that way now; sometimes we don’t always feel truths, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t true. God is good, even when the world is not.
Rely on the Holy Spirit, Always
Always rely on the Holy Spirit. Ask for His guidance in everything. Allow Him to lead you in supporting your loved one, whether through silent prayer or concrete action. He knows their heart best, so it is important for you to always lean on Him for support.
These are only a few ways you can support someone who is struggling with anxiety or depression. There are certainly more. Feel free to leave your ideas in the comments.
And remember — and this is very important — it’s not your responsibility to fix your loved one or what they are struggling with. What you can do, and what they desperately need, is for you to support them, help them carry their cross, and bring them God’s love, which is always full of mercy, love, and infinite compassion.
If you found these tips helpful, here are more resources for family members and friends with anxiety or depression. You can also be alerted when I post new blogs by signing up for the email list here.
May you and your loved ones rest in the Heart of Jesus now and always.
Disclaimer
I am not a medical professional or licensed therapist. I am speaking from my perspective and human experience and as someone that has struggled with anxiety and depression since childhood.
God is good and has given us the gift of medical and therapeutic treatment options when basic self-care isn’t enough to help us overcome our struggles with anxiety and depression. If you feel your loved one needs professional support, don’t hesitate to encourage them to reach out for this support when they need it. It’s a gift from God that will help them recover so they can live their life to the fullest — which is God’s desire for them!