Last February, after being cooped up in the house for days due to the infamous “Texas Winter Storm”, I was able to finally get my husband, John, to drive me to the Eucharistic Chapel at our parish so I could spend some time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.
I had spent time in prayer at home and in the silence of my heart, yes. But there is something different about being in His actual presence in the Blessed Sacrament. Something more real, more tangible – the energy one feels between themself and another person when they are sitting in the same room across from each other. This is the difference I feel when I sit before my dear Jesus in the Eucharist.
It was just John and me in the Eucharistic Chapel at the time; occasionally, a few people would stop in. It was quiet, beautiful, and peaceful.
And then, as I began to pray, I started to unload. There had been much building in the past few days since I had last visited with Jesus. There was so much I had to say to Him.
Anxiety, frustration, and even a touch of anger about certain situations in my life came to the surface as I sat before my dear Savior and poured out my heart to Him.
After I poured out my troubles, I stopped and breathed in and let out a long sigh. There was a moment when I began to wonder if my troubles had gone unheard. And then there came not a response but a gentle nudge to remember to turn to Him and keep my eyes on the cross.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.
1 John 4:17
I breathed in again and let out another sigh. Next, the words that would normally come out would be, “Jesus, what do you want me to do?”
But instead, as I began to ask Jesus my standard question, these were the words that came out: “Jesus, how can I love You?”
I was taken aback at first. These were not words I would say to Jesus in such a moment, especially in frustration and anxiety. Usually, I was too focused on my problems.
But when I spoke the question again—“Jesus, how can I love You?”—I felt a shift in my focus. It was now right where it needed to be. My call – our call – is to love. That is what we are called to do. Jesus will take of the rest.
A smile came across my face and sank deeply into my heart. Then, as I said these words a third time—“Jesus, how can I love You?”—I closed my eyes and felt myself be carried away in His love. I was no longer expecting anything other than to continue to rest peacefully in His presence.
He then began to show me how I could love Him in the situation which I had brought to Him, the one causing me anxiety and frustration. It became clear to me how I could love Him in this situation: by loving others through Him.
We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. This is the commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
1 John 4:18-21
But to love others as He does, especially in situations where I am frustrated and anxious, I must love them through Him with a supernatural love, a forgiving love, a sacrificial love. Then even suffering the faults of others does not burden me.
As He showed me these situations that I brought to Him and the people in them, it became clear to me how I was to love Him in them. Through being patient. Through being obedient. Through loving them even when I had to suffer a lack of appreciation or hurtful comments. Through going out of my way to help or support them, knowing that my help or support may not be appreciated or given in return. And also by holding back instead of trying to “fix” situations, instead turning to prayer and surrendering the situation to Him.
Even though doing all these things would go against my natural tendencies, I somehow felt at peace with what He was showing me. Even though it might not bring me the initial satisfaction that doing things my way would, He gave me a peace and a knowing that it would bear fruit in a way that doing things my way would not.
So now when I get anxious, overwhelmed, or frustrated by situations and relationships with others, I go to prayer, turn to Jesus, and ask Him, “Jesus, how can I love You?” After this, I do my best just to be grateful to be in His presence.
Sometimes, in His mercy, He gives me inspirations, accompanied by His peace, that are related to the situations I am dealing with. These inspirations show me how I can love Him in the situation and in others.
When there is no guidance on the situation I bring Him, I trust that He has it under control. It is clear to me that He wants me to be patient and focus on something else for the time being.
Many times, just being in His presence gives me all the peace I need to return to my day and get through any trials I am facing.
The words of the surrender prayer fill my heart, and I know all will be well as long as I keep my focus on how I can love Him in each moment.
Jesus, I surrender myself to You. Take care of everything!
*Scriptural text taken from the New American Bible, Revised Edition.