Forgiving Immediately: A Story of Healing Through Surrendering All to Jesus

In the wake of all that is happening in the world today, my heart cannot help but be led to think of the Passion of Christ. In my desire to respond as Jesus did to abuse, injustice, torture and His crucifixion, I ask myself daily how would He desire I respond in a time such as this?

I desire to be united to Jesus in all I do, say, and have, including in all my joys, happiness, sadness, and suffering. And what does being united to Jesus mean?

I cannot answer that question for anyone else, as that is between their own heart and Jesus. What I know for me is that I am drawn to His Passion. How He prayed for all souls, even for the greatest of sinners. How He sacrificed, suffered and died for all of them, even those that tortured, abused and crucified Him. How He prayed for the Father to forgive them.

Jesus is asking me to do the same. It is something He’s asked of me before, many years ago.

The Grace of Total Forgiveness

In my early 20’s I was in a relationship in which I was abused physically, emotionally and sexually. I was fortunate and blessed to exit the relationship and have not had contact with this person since then. Even so, the psychological scars and deep wounds remained, which spawned anger, resentment and the desire for revenge.

After a few years of therapy to help with the worst of the PTSD symptoms, the anger still remained, towards the man that abused me, and men my age in general. I had come to accept that these wounds, which were so deep and painful, may be ones that would never heal, at least not completely.

One day, I felt God calling me to do something that at the time seemed unthinkable. I felt Him calling me to pray for the man that abused me. Pray for him? I thought. Seriously? But yes, this was what God was asking of me.

While I thought this request seemed crazy, I was also tired – tired of being angry, resentful, and without hope these deep wounds would ever heal. So, I acquiesced, and I began to pray for him.

In the beginning, I did not mean the words I prayed, but I said them anyway. Over about a period of two years, I noticed a difference in my feelings towards the man that abused me. It was a significant change, considering the deep wounds which were created from my relationship with him. It was a miraculous transformation that has lasted to this day.

Now, when I think of this man who abused me so many years ago, I no longer experience the pain and anger from those awful memories, and the wounds have been completely healed. I no longer feel resentment and anger towards him. I only have a sincere and hopeful desire that he has come to know Jesus and has experienced the deep, life-changing healing that I have.

There have been other people in my life that have hurt me or others close to me that I have begun to pray for as well. I have experienced various levels of this healing, including the lessening of the intensity of anger and resentment I feel towards them.

However, the healing in the case of the man that abused me has been particularly significant because of the severity and deep wounds from the emotional and sexual abuse and the fact that now absolutely no hurt, pain, anger or resentment remains for this person.

(I feel it is important to mention here that I no longer call him “my abuser,” as I believe this labels him. And while he was in fact the man that abused me, that was not who he was created to be, and if I were to continue to call him this, this is all I would see him as. By calling him “the man that abused me” I separate his actions from his being, and it has become easier to forgive him and see him for who he was created to be.)

I have come to believe this healing, this total forgiveness was a special grace, as I did not expect it or even ask for it – nor did I believe it was even possible.

Seeking to Forgive Immediately Those Who Continue to Hurt Me

When others hurt me now, I cannot begin to seek praying for them, and asking for the grace of total forgiveness, fast enough – especially for those who reopen deep, gut-wrenching wounds more frequently than I’d like.

There is one person I wish to write about whom I care for deeply, but who is also the source of some of my deepest, oldest wounds and who reopens them through hurtful, insensitive words and actions. I still struggle with anger and resentment, but since I have begun to seek more quickly to forgive, something in me has changed. I am less angry, less resentful, and I do not desire acknowledgment of wrong-doing or seek retribution. I’ve become more compassionate towards this person, and Jesus has shown me this person’s wounds, so it is easier to pray for them.

In the past I have lashed out when wounds were reopened, but now through God’s Grace and Healing, I am able to respond to God’s call to remain silent on many occasions and allow the hurtful words and actions roll by me as God protects me with His army of angels. Sometimes, when God desires I communicate to this person something they need to hear, I am able to speak up with a firm, but gentle, loving voice that God gives me. Through this communication, their heart seems able to hear these words and their heart begins to change.

There is less intensity and no anger involved in my response, but instead a more gentle, loving and compassionate way of speaking, even as the wounds are reopened time and time again.
Before, I desired justice, demanded retribution and a sincere apology. Since growing in my desire to seek to forgive immediately and pray for the healing of this person, I no longer seek these things.

I pray for this person’s healing, and if God wishes I speak or act, I pray He helps me do so in a loving way, and that He works through me to bring healing. Why God has given me this grace to seek forgiveness so quickly, I do not know, but I am forever grateful. By doing so, I am freed from the anger, hurt and resentment that come with being wounded by the words and actions of this person time and time again.

Increasingly over time, I have noticed a change in this person – a change that does not come from my demanding justice, retribution or acknowledgment of wrong-doing. It’s as if God is transforming this person without any real intervention from myself or others. He’s healing this person, transforming them before my eyes.

This person is beginning to acknowledge when they are wrong and apologize on their own, without prompting to do so. This person is becoming more aware of their words and actions and how they affect others.

Sometimes how this person goes about doing this isn’t perfect and can be hurtful in its own way, but through my experience of God’s compassion for myself and for them, I see where their heart is truly at and I am able to forgive as I see they are trying to do the right thing, even though their method of doing so ends up being hurtful.

My hurt and anger begins to dissipate, and I feel grateful their heart is beginning to change. I also recall my own healing process and the sins and wounds which I am continuing to seek healing and purification of. I praise God of how He lovingly reminds me of my own need for continual healing and transformation, so I can be compassionate and patient with others through theirs.

You see, it is not the whole person that hurts us, but their free-will choices and the parts of themselves that are wounded which hurt us. There are also many parts of their whole self that are good as well, that God can give us the grace to see, which will help us to forgive them. And more importantly, there is the child of God, pure and beautiful, which we all were created to be, and which God in His Mercy, can restore us to, should we only surrender all to Him.

Love your enemies. Pray for them. This is what Jesus asks of me.

This is what Jesus asks of me. “Love your enemies. Pray for them. Fast for them. Sacrifice for them. Do penance for them. Console the Heart of Jesus. Walk My Passion with Me. Stay silent and accept what suffering comes when I ask you to. Speak with a firm, but gentle, loving voice when I ask you to speak My truth.”

What I have learned is that we react to what is in front of us. When we are loving, calm and gentle in the face of evil, anger and intense emotions, God’s Love overpowers evil, it breaks apart the stones of sin and hardened hearts, it melts the hearts filled with cold, thick ice. That is the power of God’s love. That is the power of staying calm in the midst of the storm. It is the power of Christ’s love – a love He gives to those who surrender all to Him.

I am drawn to the cross. I unite myself to Him, because He gave all for us – for me, for the man who abused me, for the person who still reopens my deep wounds with their words and actions.

I will follow Jesus. I will look to Him when the pain is great, when I feel I cannot continue, when I no longer can stand. I will listen to Him when He asks that I remain silent and in prayer, and I will listen to Him when He asks that I speak, so I may do so in a firm, but gentle, loving voice. I have come to understand and experience that this is what changes hearts. It is changing mine, and in responding to God’s promptings in this way, it is changing the hearts of those that hurt me.

I will leave heavenly justice to God. Only God knows our hearts. He sees and knows us, all of us, in ways we may never understand, until we meet Him in the next life. Therefore, I surrender to Him all my hurts, my anger, my resentment, my joy, my pain, my suffering. I surrender to Him everything and everyone in my life.

Jesus prayed for those that abused Him

I will pray, I will fast for those who have been abused.

I will pray, I will fast for those that have abused others and for those that cover up the abuse and allow it to continue. I believe deep within my heart it is through the healing of the hearts of those who have abused others and those who’ve covered it up, that the abuse will stop completely. This is a statement I do not make lightly, but one I make with complete conviction and faith in knowing what the awesome power of the Love of God and the purifying healing which comes from the Heart of Jesus can do.

I have seen how when a heart is touched by the Healing Mercy of the Heart of Jesus, the person not only changes moving forward, but also seeks to make reparation for the injustice and pain it has caused in the past – whatever it has done, not matter how much it costs.

I believe Jesus shows us the way to total forgiveness through His example on the cross. After he had been tortured severely, abused, suffered excruciating pain, and as he hung there dying upon the cross, He prayed for those that abused and crucified Him, and asked God to forgive them. Is He not showing us the way to total forgiveness? He welcomes back with open arms even the greatest of sinners in His Divine Mercy, if they only turn to Him. And even if they do resist, He still seeks out their hearts, and desires they return to the Savior.

I may not have committed mass atrocities, but I have rejected Jesus. I have turned from Him. I have denied Him. All the while claiming to be someone that follows Him. Yet, He showered me with Divine Mercy, Divine Forgiveness.

I see now Jesus’ Passion was the ultimate act of forgiveness, the way to total forgiveness. And this path to forgiveness, which leads to true freedom, for me, begins right away, to offer up any hurt, anger, resentment as it comes – and it will come, of course, for that is natural, human and understandable. However, I know I must offer it up to Jesus right away and ask Him to heal me so the wound does not becomes infected with anger, resentment and a desire for revenge.

Jesus chose the harder way

Jesus always chose the harder way, the way which required more sacrifice, more suffering.

Because I desire to follow Jesus completely, I must choose the harder way as well.

When I reflect on how to respond to those that hurt me, I ask myself, which is harder? To be angry, to condemn, to desire revenge?

Or is it harder to pray for their salvation, to fast for them, to pray that God heals their wounds and drives the evil from them that has led them to sin? And to ask God to help me see them as He does?

This doesn’t mean I never get angry, feel hurt or have thoughts of revenge. What it means is that as soon as I do, I immediately give these feelings and thoughts to Jesus and ask Him to help me forgive, transform my heart, to fill me with His love and to help me pray for their healing.

It is also the way that brings me true freedom. It is the way that breaks the chains of anger, resentment and hurt. The weight of the pain from the constant reopening of old wounds is lifted and the infection that usually sustains this pain is prevented from setting in.

Living a life seeking to immediately forgive

Living a life of seeking to immediately forgive those that hurt me through prayer and fasting for them is God’s gift to me – whether from the small hurts, annoyances or frustrations to the more painful hurts from those that should love me the most to the intense sadness and anger which comes from those who commit mass atrocities and grievous crimes. It is my greatest blessing. My purpose.

It’s also my path to true freedom. It has liberated me to love with a love I didn’t know was possible. It is, I believe, the love of the Heart of Jesus.

I pray for you to come to know this path to true freedom, too. To come to know this great love of His Heart. I pray you are freed and healed in this way. I pray we all choose the cross, His Passion and the way to everlasting life.