Obedience to Jesus does not consist of perfection, but of love. Love of Him. Love that was created in our hearts by Him. When we turn to Him, cry to Him, call out to Him for mercy after we have tried to make our own way out of self-love and pride, we are being obedient to Him. How merciful and great is our Lord that He sees obedience to Him not as harsh and strict rules, but as surrender and abandonment to Him so we can be free to live our lives in love of and for Him and trusting He will take care of us and our troubles.
Lamenting on my turning away from Him, and how I have failed to be obedient to Him in doing what He asked, I cried out in anguish, as the peace in my heart was replaced with anxiety once again. But He welcomed me with open arms, embracing me with His love. He showed me that in turning back to Him I was being obedient to Him, for that is all He first asks of us. To seek Him first. As we progress in our love of Him and seek to grow in holiness, He does ask more, but only for our good and to bring Him glory. And the more we know His love for us, we can only happily oblige and desire to please Him in all ways. Even so, we are imperfect and our wounded hearts will still give in at times to our desires of the world. As a perfectionist, which the Lord knows I am, this can be devastating to me, as I strive to love the Lord in all ways, but fail to do so completely each day. In the past, I would turn away from prayer in a feeling of defeat. But that was only my pride welling up. Now, when I realize I am living for myself again, I turn immediately back to Him. His joy and compassion embraces me, and I humbly fall to my knees in prayer, praising Jesus for His mercy and forgiveness. He lets me know He is full of joy that I have once again turned back to Him and that I no longer walk away in shame when I become aware of my sin. He desires all His children to know the joy He feels when they turn to Him.
The anguish we feel after realizing we have sinned and turn away from God is not a punishment from God, but is the ultimate realization we have tried to live our life without Him, without the One we were created by and for. But it is not good to hold on to our anguish. The Lord does not want us to bare this anguish, for holding onto it is harmful to our hearts. The Lord desires we offer up this anguish immediately to Him so we can be purified, renewed in His pure love and strive to continue on up the mountain to holy perfection with Our Father. Holy perfection is the only perfection we should strive for. Because it is Holy Love, which is Pure and All Good. It is not about “doing” everything with perfection, but about “loving” others with Jesus’ Most Pure and Sacred Heart.
Praise Jesus and His Most Sacred Heart and His Most Saving Precious Blood. May we come to Him through Mary and Her Pure and Immaculate Heart always.